Department of Energy revolts against Perry in most petty way
Following Tuesday’s announcement that former Texas Governor Rick Perry will be President-elect Trump’s nominee to lead the Department of Energy, employees of the executive department have defied the appointment. In a statement signed by every single member of the department, employees have vowed to ignore all of Perry’s future attempts at conversation. The statement continues that when directly addressed and forced to respond, will only answer with “Oops.”
Perry’s unsuccessful bid for the Republican nomination in the 2012 presidential election was marred by poor debate performances. Most notably when he was unable to remember one of the three executive departments he planned to defund and do-away with if elected. The first, the Department of Education. The second, the Department of Commerce. And the third, which he instead replaced with a comical “Oops,” the Department of Energy.
“I would have literally never guess this pick, but I’m going to do everything in my power to make his life a living embodiment of global warming. Controversial, isolating and downright terrifying,” said current Secretary of Energy Dr. Ernest Moniz.
Moniz comes from a strong academic background. Earning his Bachelor of Science degree in physics from Boston College, his Doctorate in theoretical physics from Stanford University and serving as the Chair of the physics department at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), where he was also a faculty member since 1973.
Perry received his Bachelor of Science in Animal Science from Texas A&M university. He served in various Texas state government positions before being elected governor in 2000 and serving until 2015.
“The Lord blessed me with this opportunity to show the non-believers his glory and debunk this hoax “climate change” once and for all” Perry said in response to a question about how he is planning to transition to the new position.
Not one to let an embarrassing past hold him back, Perry seemed to not even remember the “Oops” incident from 2012.
“I don’t even know what they’re talking about. Do y’all know?” Perry said.
However the department is steadfast in its decision to respond to the climate change naysayer with varying forms of the word “Oops.”
“It’s more of a principle thing. We can’t show any weakness. We think he’ll respond to it by just forgetting us again and we can continue our work or he’ll be so confused he’ll think he walks into the wrong office every morning. Whichever works first,” said Julia Schaffer, a Nebraska native and junior scientist at the Department of Energy.
To assume the position Perry will need to be officially nominated by Trump, presented to the Republican controlled Senate and approved by a simple majority.