To boost national morale Trump holds new and improved fireside chats
In an effort to boost national morale President-elect Donald Trump has chosen to reinstate the late President Franklin Delano Roosevelt's Fireside chats. Using his experience in reality TV, Trump has made this new iteration of the Fireside chats all his own.
“I truly think this is how I will reach those who need my help right now to make America what it once was. We need to unite as a country and I’m trying so everyone needs to do this together,” Trump said, adding: “And if you’re a liberal suck it and deal. There has never been another more overwhelming Presidential win. You lose.”
Aside from the factual inaccuracies, Trump’s attempt was genuine, although some listeners thought it was misguided.
“Honestly I’m just having a really hard time dealing with this dorito of a man. I know nacho cheese is the best flavor but this whole election is really putting thing into perspective for me,” President Barack Obama said.
Trump on the other hand approached the program with a different point of view.
“Seeing as everyone is so bummed out that I won’t take office for over a month, I decided it was necessary to hold these chats to make sure that everyone knows I’m here and in control,” Trump said in his first chat.
Trump even took callers and concerned citizens’ questions during the chat. However, with the massive influx of questions only those approved by the Trump transition team were aired for the large audience.
Denice Ferguson was one such caller. The 42 year old Flint, Michigan resident wanted assurance from the President-elect that he would work to help fix the city’s water source and create safe drinking water for the inhabitants.
“That is of course a priority, obviously, unlike my opponent definitely isn’t, because I am a man of the people. And you’re the people, so I work for you. But mostly I work for myself because I know how business works and I know how to drive a hard negotiation,” Trump rambled.
Without answering Ferguson’s questions, the chat moved along to the next concerned citizen. Listeners also noted his strange tendency to refer to his “opponent.”
“It’s like he doesn’t even realize he already won. Donald, you came to the White House. We took the most uncomfortable photo ever taken. It’s an internet meme,” Obama said incredulously.
Another caller was Jose Hernandez, an entrepreneur and Los Angeles, California resident. While Hernandez identified himself as a supporter of the President-elect, he expressed concerns about Trump’s choices for particular cabinet positions.
“I voted for you Mr. Trump, because I really think you’re going to support small business, but why does it seem like all of your cabinet members are losers of some kind? I mean, Carson and Perry both lost the primary, your pick for National Security Advisor pedals conspiracy theories; do you surround yourself with losers because you need the ego—”
Hernandez’s question was cut short when the line suddenly broke off and Trump continued as if the question had not been asked.
Trump continued the 90-minute broadcast touching on many topics including his cabinet picks so far, his plans for the Trump empire while he serves as President, his new all red meat diet and closed the evening with a vow to bring together the two sides of our country: the conspiracy flinging, fake news reading American heroes and the literal 65,444,673 spawns of satan and his mistress.